September 10, 2004

Notes on Parenting

Posted by Arcane Gazebo at September 10, 2004 7:10 PM

This is obnoxious, and occasionally graphic, but also hilarious: Childfree Etiquette for the Parent. Sample advice:

Baby Showers
For some reason, expecting parents often fear that those without children will be offended if they are not invited to a baby shower. This is not the case. We prefer not to be invited. If you wish to send us an invitation, please make sure it is some atrocious color and is plastered with stickers. This makes it easier to identify while still in the mailbox, so that we can remove it with tongs and deposit it into the nearest trash receptacle. If we really, really like you, and you are lucky, we will open it with a strained smile and wonder how soon would be too soon to call up with an excuse. Also make sure it arrives well in advance. This is not because we need time to shop. No, we have no children, we have plenty of time to shop. It is so we can arrange to contract explosive diarrhea on the day of the party, so that we can avoid it.

It's a guilty pleasure reading something like this—part of me says I should be tolerant of children, but another part wants to stand up and applaud...


I like kids...some kids, some of the time, that is...but I STILL wouldn't want to go to some damn baby shower. I hate ALL of those shower things, wedding, baby, uh...well those two at least. My best friend got married last year and I had to go to ...wait for it... S E V E N of those damn things in a matter of 3 or 4 months. I don't think I'll ever recover.

Posted by: Tracy | September 12, 2004 2:12 PM

I actually like children, but only in limited doses.

Sometimes _very_ limited doses...

Posted by: Mason | September 17, 2004 1:37 PM
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